Life is a team sport.  We often speak of the extremes of rugged individualism and dependency, but there are few examples of either that represent the best in humankind.  None of us came to this world on our own, immediately earning our own living, making our way in the world with zero help.  We’ve all needed help of some sort or another.  Conversely, I know of few individuals and teams whose dependence on others for everything forged ahead to produce amazing examples of ingenuity.  The best positioning for each of us lies somewhere in the middle.  Greatness, I have found, comes from several factors that integrate individual ownership of challenges with support from those around us. 

I think of the quiet encouragement of my mother during my younger years, and her unnoticed support of everything I wanted to do and all the chores that I wanted to ignore.  My clothing miraculously migrated from my laundry bin to a clean, folded position on my bed with the regularity of clock.  I consider the freedom she gave me to explore, to try new things, to participate in sports that probably worried her without letting it show.  I think of her persistent presence when I was hungry, her rides to sports practice, and the funds she and my dad shelled out for each of the activities me and my five siblings participated in.  Here was support that did not ask for much more than a thank you, kindness that allowed me to focus on other things.  All this support from my mom allowed me to dream big, to think I was capable of doing more than something simple in life.  Her love communicated a trust in me and my dreams that no other action could have accomplished. 

I think of my father and his example of integrity, hard work, drive, and kindness.  He was the one who ensured we never talked back to mom, who taught us how to treat people, who taught us the value of hard work.  He was the one who helped me understand that words mean things, that effort, even when it does not secure the prize, is worth it EVERY time.  He was the one who gave me things to dream of, who demonstrated a career path to me that I partially followed—not because he wanted me to, but because I liked what I saw and wanted much of the same.  I think of the advice that my dad so readily gave me, some of which I ignored.  But I always appreciated that he listened to me, provided me with his thoughts, and did not discourage me when I went a different direction.  Perhaps the best part of his advice was that he never showed hurt if I did not follow his advice.  From this, I learned that he gave advice not for his own pride or benefit, but because he cared about me and my happiness.  When I chose a different path, he was always quick to support me and forget about any advice he had shared in the past. 

I am who I am in so many ways because of the support and love of my parents, because of their trust in me to realize my own vision.  It was always clear that part of their vision included me as a member of their family, and they allowed me to develop and integrate my personal vision with theirs.  I do many things on my own, but most of it is possible because of my parents.  Their support allowed me to dream, gave me confidence to act on my own, and the integrity to be unaccepting of my mistakes and shortcomings. 

Throughout my life, I have been both helped and hindered by many around me who provided varying levels of guidance, trust, and a method to evaluate how we are doing.  My confidence as a leader has not come from technical skills, books I’ve read, or hollow pats on the back, but instead from opportunities to try my hand at both self-actualization and the realization of a team’s vision.  Thousands, probably millions of decisions I’ve made over the years for that realization have taught me that I can achieve remarkable things.  For moments in my life, I have been able to achieve in the company of other heroes of mine explosive personal and team growth.  That growth and the ensuing confidence has not made me better than others but instead helped me to realize the value of those around me and their part in acting on vision, providing trust and learning through debrief.  The confidence of a leader is a team sport, and no leader holds true confidence without a reliance at some level on those around them, and likewise the team’s reliance on their leader. The confident leader has the backing of their team, allowing them to look forward with a surety that their team is following them to where it matters. 

I have a strong belief in a God who entrusted me with a life cluttered with opportunities and perils, who has allowed me to work out my own vision for what it should look like and what matters to me.  He wants me to learn and realize a sense of happiness that often feels like my own doing, but in reality, it encompasses His support and the support of so many others around me.  This support, coupled with the opportunities I have to grow through my own actions, victories and failures, provides me with a confidence and fulfillment in this life that is without match. 

The many technical skills I’ve developed over the years have helped me gain confidence in my ability to contribute, to accomplish many things, and remove doubt from my ability to learn, but they have all proven transitory over the long haul.  I no longer can fly a fighter as I once could.  My ability to lead a fighter squadron and think tactically like I used to be able to are gone. What little skill I displayed on the sports field has now been gifted to others younger and more agile than I ever was.  My vision is not as clear, my reflexes lacking, and my hearing misses all the important conversations with my wife.  But despite the diminished technical skills and physical capabilities, my confidence in myself and as a leader is stronger than ever. The years of decision-making practice while using my technical skills and the trust I’ve received while doing so have helped me to understand the source of true confidence.  And the techniques and methods I’ve outlined in this work has given me a pathway to stay and become even more confident in what matters.